Feeling Depressed? How Counselling Can Help You Heal
That quiet, heavy thought, "I need counselling for depression," is not a sign of weakness. It is a moment of profound strength, a flicker of hope in the darkness, and the very first step on a path toward healing. Acknowledging the need for help is an act of immense courage, and this guide is here to walk alongside you, illuminating what that path looks like, what to expect, and how you can find your way back to yourself.
Depression is not a choice or a character flaw, it is a treatable medical condition, just like diabetes or asthma. You are not alone in this feeling, and there is a world of professional, compassionate support waiting for you. Let’s explore what counselling is, how it works, and how it can empower you to reclaim your life from the grip of depression.
What Does Depression Actually Feel Like?
Depression is a persistent mood disorder that causes an overwhelming and constant feeling of sadness, emptiness, and a loss of interest in activities you once enjoyed. It goes far beyond temporary sadness, fundamentally affecting how you feel, think, and handle daily activities.
This condition is a full-body experience, a heavy cloak that colours every aspect of your existence. Emotionally, it can manifest as unrelenting sorrow, irritability over the smallest things, or a profound numbness, as if all the colours of life have faded to grey. You might feel a deep sense of worthlessness or guilt, fixating on past failures or blaming yourself for things beyond your control.
Physically, depression can be utterly exhausting. It can steal your energy, making even simple tasks like getting out of bed feel like a monumental effort. Your sleep patterns may be completely disrupted, leading to insomnia or, conversely, oversleeping. Appetite changes are common, resulting in significant weight loss or gain, and you might experience unexplained physical problems, like headaches or back pain, that don’t respond to typical treatment.
Cognitively, the fog of depression can make it incredibly difficult to concentrate, remember details, or make decisions. Your thoughts might be dominated by a pessimistic and critical inner voice, creating a cycle of negativity that feels impossible to break. This isn’t just a bad mood, it’s a fundamental shift in your brain’s ability to process the world, and it can leave you feeling lost and isolated.
Why Is Reaching Out for Help So Hard?
Reaching out for help with depression is incredibly difficult due to a combination of internal and external barriers. The very nature of the illness saps your motivation and energy, while societal stigma, a deep-seated fear of being judged, and feelings of hopelessness create a formidable wall to climb.
The exhaustion that accompanies depression is not simple tiredness, it is a bone-deep weariness that makes the idea of researching therapists, making a phone call, or even explaining your feelings seem like an insurmountable task. It’s a cruel paradox, the very thing you need to do to get better is the thing the illness makes you feel least capable of doing. You are not lazy or unmotivated, you are unwell, and this struggle is a symptom, not a failing.
Fear plays a massive role as well. Fear of being seen as "crazy" or "weak." Fear that no one will understand. Fear of the unknown, of what therapy will uncover, and of the vulnerability it requires. These fears are powerful, but they are also common, and a good therapist is trained to help you navigate them with compassion and care.
Is It Normal to Feel Ashamed?
Yes, it is incredibly common and normal to feel a sense of shame when struggling with depression. These feelings, however, are a direct symptom of the depression itself and are not an accurate reflection of your character or strength.
Society has long perpetuated a myth that we should be able to handle all our problems on our own, that asking for help is a sign of personal failure. This stigma can make you feel isolated and believe that you are the only one who can’t "just snap out of it." This internalised pressure can be a heavy burden, making you feel as though you’ve done something wrong by feeling this way.
It is crucial to understand that depression is a complex health condition with biological, psychological, and social components. You would not feel ashamed for seeking treatment for a broken leg or a heart condition. Acknowledging your need for mental health support is an act of self-respect and wisdom, a recognition that your mind, like your body, deserves expert care and attention.
What If I Don’t Know What to Say?
You absolutely do not need to have the perfect words or a clear, organised story before you start counselling. A trained and experienced counsellor is skilled at guiding the conversation, asking gentle questions, and helping you find the language to express what you are feeling, even when it feels like a confusing jumble.
Many people worry that they will sit in silence, that their problems aren’t "bad enough," or that they won’t be able to articulate the depth of their pain. These are common anxieties. The therapist’s job in the initial sessions is to create a safe and comfortable environment where you can begin to explore your experiences at your own pace.
Think of it less as a performance and more as a collaboration. The counsellor will help you connect the dots, identify patterns, and put words to feelings that may have been nameless for a long time. The only expectation is that you show up, the rest will unfold from there.
Can I Overcome the Lack of Motivation?
Yes, you can absolutely overcome the profound lack of motivation caused by depression, and the key is to start with the smallest, most manageable step imaginable. The goal is not to conquer the entire mountain in one day, but simply to take a single step forward.
Instead of thinking, "I need to find a therapist, book an appointment, and go talk for an hour," break it down. Today, your only goal might be to search online for "counselling services near me." That’s it. Tomorrow, your goal might be to write down one or two phone numbers.
Celebrate each tiny victory. Acknowledging and giving yourself credit for completing these small tasks can help build momentum and counteract the voice of depression that tells you nothing is possible. The hardest part is often just initiating that first action, and any movement in that direction is a significant achievement.
How Does Counselling for Depression Work?
Counselling for depression, often called psychotherapy or talk therapy, works by creating a structured, confidential, and supportive environment where you can explore your thoughts, feelings, and behaviours with a trained professional. The therapist helps you understand the roots of your depression, develop effective coping strategies, and learn to change the negative patterns that keep you stuck.
It is a collaborative partnership aimed at healing and growth. Unlike talking to a friend, a therapist provides an objective perspective, free from personal bias, and utilises evidence-based techniques specifically designed to alleviate depressive symptoms. They listen not just to what you say, but how you say it, helping you uncover underlying issues you may not be aware of.
The process is not about being given easy answers or told what to do. Instead, it empowers you to find your own solutions. Through guided conversation and therapeutic exercises, you gain self-awareness, build resilience, and acquire practical tools to manage your mental health long after therapy has concluded.
What Are the Main Types of Therapy Used?
The most common and well-researched types of therapy for depression include Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT), Interpersonal Therapy (IPT), and Psychodynamic Therapy, each offering a different but effective approach to healing.
Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, or CBT, is one of the most widely used methods. It operates on the principle that our thoughts, feelings, and behaviours are interconnected. A CBT therapist helps you identify, challenge, and reframe the negative, automatic thought patterns that contribute to depression, and then helps you change the corresponding behaviours. It is a practical, goal-oriented approach that equips you with tangible skills.
Interpersonal Therapy, or IPT, focuses on your relationships and social context. It helps you understand how your interactions with others, and issues like grief, conflict, or major life changes, impact your mood. By improving your communication skills and resolving interpersonal problems, IPT aims to alleviate depressive symptoms by strengthening your social support system.
Psychodynamic Therapy delves deeper into your past, exploring how early life experiences and unconscious thoughts and feelings shape your current reality. This approach helps you understand the root causes of your depression, bringing unresolved conflicts and buried emotions to the surface so they can be processed and healed. It can be a longer-term therapy focused on profound self-understanding.
Other effective modalities also exist, such as person-centred therapy, which emphasizes empathy and self-acceptance, and mindfulness-based cognitive therapy (MBCT), which combines CBT with mindfulness practices to help prevent relapse. The best approach often depends on your individual needs and preferences.
What Happens in a Typical Counselling Session?
A typical counselling session is a dedicated, 50-minute period where you and your therapist talk in a private and confidential setting. The session usually begins with a brief check-in, where you might discuss how your week has been, any significant events, or how you’ve felt since your last meeting.
From there, the focus of the session will be guided by your specific needs and the therapeutic approach being used. You might explore a particular challenge you’re facing, delve into a recurring thought pattern, or practice a new coping skill your therapist has introduced. The therapist’s role is to listen actively, ask insightful questions, offer reflections, and provide guidance without judgment.
It is a dynamic and interactive process. The therapist won’t simply sit in silence, nor will they dominate the conversation. They will work with you to ensure the session is productive and focused on your goals. Towards the end, you might summarize the key takeaways and perhaps agree on something to reflect on or practice before your next appointment, ensuring the work continues between sessions.
How Do I Find the Right Counsellor?
Finding the right counsellor is a crucial step that involves researching qualified professionals, understanding their areas of expertise, and most importantly, having an initial consultation to determine if you feel a sense of trust and rapport. The quality of the therapeutic relationship is one of the strongest predictors of a successful outcome.
Begin by looking for therapists who are registered with a recognised professional body, as this ensures they adhere to strict ethical codes and standards of practice. Consider their specialities, do they have experience working with depression? Do they use a therapeutic approach, like CBT or psychodynamic therapy, that resonates with you?
Once you have a shortlist, reach out to schedule a brief introductory call or an initial session. This is your opportunity to ask questions and get a feel for their personality and style. The goal is to find someone you feel safe with, someone you believe you can be open and honest with on your journey to recovery.
What Qualifications Should I Look For?
You should look for a counsellor or psychotherapist who is registered with a major professional body in your country, such as the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy (BACP) or the UK Council for Psychotherapy (UKCP) in the United Kingdom. Membership in these organisations signifies that the professional has met rigorous standards for training, experience, and ethical conduct.
These professional bodies act as regulators for the profession, ensuring that their members engage in continuous professional development to keep their skills current. They also have a formal complaints procedure, which provides a layer of protection and accountability for clients. A therapist’s registration is a key indicator of their credibility and commitment to professional excellence.
You may encounter different titles like "counsellor," "psychotherapist," or "psychologist." While there is overlap, their training can differ. The most important factor is their registration with a reputable body and their specific experience in treating depression. Don’t hesitate to ask about their qualifications and credentials directly.
Is It Okay to ‘Shop Around’ for a Therapist?
Yes, it is absolutely okay, and in fact, it is highly recommended to ‘shop around’ when looking for a therapist. Finding the right personal fit is fundamental to the success of your therapy, so taking the time to speak with a few different professionals before committing is a wise and empowering choice.
Therapists are professionals who understand and expect this process. They know that the connection between client and therapist, often called the ‘therapeutic alliance,’ is vital. You will not offend them by having an initial consultation and deciding they are not the right person for you. This is about your health and well-being.
Prepare a few questions for your initial calls or sessions. You could ask about their experience with depression, their therapeutic approach, what a typical session with them is like, and their policies on fees and scheduling. Pay attention not just to their answers, but to how you feel talking to them. Do you feel heard, respected, and comfortable? Trust your intuition.
What If I Can’t Afford Private Counselling?
If you find that the cost of private counselling is a barrier, there are several alternative and viable options available to you. You can start by speaking with your GP, who can refer you to NHS talking therapy services, often through the Improving Access to Psychological Therapies (IAPT) programme.
While NHS services are free, it is important to be aware that there can sometimes be a waiting list, and the number of sessions may be limited. Another excellent avenue is to contact mental health charities, such as Mind or local community organisations, which often provide free or low-cost counselling services.
Additionally, many counselling training colleges offer sessions with supervised trainees at a significantly reduced rate. Some private therapists also offer a certain number of ‘sliding scale’ appointments, where the fee is adjusted based on your income. It is always worth asking if this is a possibility when you make an enquiry.
How Can I Make the Most of My Counselling Sessions?
You can make the most of your counselling sessions by approaching them as an active participant in your own healing. This involves being as open and honest as you can be, engaging with the process both during and between sessions, and communicating openly with your therapist about how things are going.
Therapy is not something that is ‘done to you’, it is a collaborative effort. The more you put into it, the more you will get out of it. This means being willing to explore uncomfortable feelings, trying out new strategies suggested by your therapist, and reflecting on the insights you gain.
Remember that progress is rarely a straight line, there will be difficult weeks and weeks where you feel a real sense of breakthrough. Patience with yourself and the process is key. By committing to being an active partner in your therapy, you significantly increase your chances of achieving lasting, positive change.
What Does Being ‘Open and Honest’ Mean?
In the context of therapy, being open and honest means allowing yourself to be vulnerable and sharing your true thoughts and feelings without filtering them. It means talking about the things that feel difficult, embarrassing, or even shameful, with the understanding that your therapist is there to support you without judgment.
Depression often comes with thoughts and feelings that can feel dark or strange, and it’s common to worry about what someone else might think of them. However, your counsellor is trained to handle this material and has likely heard similar things from many others. They provide a safe container for you to explore these parts of yourself.
The more your therapist understands your internal world, the better equipped they are to help you. Holding back key information or pretending things are better than they are can slow down your progress. Honesty, even when it’s hard, is the foundation of a trusting therapeutic relationship and the catalyst for true healing.
Should I Prepare for My Sessions?
While it is not a requirement, taking a few minutes to prepare for your sessions can help you use your time more effectively. A simple way to do this is to reflect on your week and jot down any significant feelings, thoughts, events, or challenges that have come up since your last appointment.
This practice can help combat the common experience of your mind going blank the moment the session starts. Having a few notes can serve as a useful reminder, ensuring you get to discuss what is most pressing or important to you. It also helps you become more attuned to your own emotional patterns throughout the week.
Preparation doesn’t need to be elaborate. It could be a few bullet points in a notebook or a quick note on your phone. This small act of reflection can help you transition into a therapeutic mindset and arrive at your session feeling more focused and ready to engage in the work.
What If I Don’t Think It’s Working?
If you feel that your counselling isn’t working, it is incredibly important to raise these concerns directly with your therapist. This can feel daunting, but it is a vital part of the process, and a good therapist will welcome this feedback as an opportunity to adjust their approach or better understand your needs.
Therapy can be challenging, and it’s normal to have sessions that feel difficult or unproductive. However, if this feeling persists over time, an open conversation is necessary. You could say something like, "I’ve been feeling stuck lately," or "I’m not sure we’re making the progress I had hoped for."
This conversation could lead to a valuable shift in focus or technique. It might also reveal that the therapeutic relationship is not the right fit, which is perfectly okay. Voicing your concerns is an act of self-advocacy that allows you and your therapist to collaboratively decide on the best path forward, whether that’s together or by helping you find someone better suited to you.
Frequently Asked Questions
How long does counselling for depression take?
The duration of counselling for depression varies significantly from person to person. It depends on factors like the severity and history of your depression, the specific therapeutic approach used, and your individual goals. Short-term, structured therapies like CBT might last for 12 to 20 sessions, while deeper, psychodynamic work could continue for a year or more.
Will I have to take medication?
A counsellor or psychotherapist cannot prescribe medication, as this must be done by a medical doctor like a GP or a psychiatrist. While therapy is a powerful treatment on its own, research shows that for moderate to severe depression, a combination of therapy and antidepressant medication is often the most effective approach. The decision to take medication is a personal one you would make in consultation with a medical professional.
Is everything I say confidential?
Yes, confidentiality is a fundamental ethical principle of counselling. Your therapist is legally and ethically bound to keep everything you discuss private. The only exceptions to this rule are very specific and rare situations, such as if you disclose an immediate plan to cause serious harm to yourself or someone else, or in cases of child protection concerns. Your therapist will explain these limits to confidentiality clearly in your first session.
What if I cry during a session?
Crying in a therapy session is not only acceptable, it is completely normal and often a necessary part of the healing process. Tears are a natural expression of pain, grief, and release. Your counsellor is trained to create a safe and supportive space for all of your emotions, and they will not be uncomfortable or judgmental if you cry. It is a sign that you feel safe enough to be vulnerable.
Taking the first step is the bravest part of the journey. At Counselling-uk, we understand. We are here to offer a safe, confidential, and professional place for you to find your way through depression and support you with all of life’s challenges. You do not have to carry this weight alone. Reach out today, and let’s begin the conversation. Your path to healing starts here.
